The Smiling Lieutenant (1931)

Please.... no more...... no more French smiling....... i beg.....

French theatrical poster for The Smiling Lieutenant (1931)

Girls who start with breakfast don't usually stay for supper.

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The Smiling Lieutenant (1931) - watched 9/8/24

Director: Ernst Lubitsch

Writer: Samson Raphaelson, Ernest Vajda

Starring: Maurice Chevalier, Claudette Colbert, Miriam Hopkins

Available to watch on DailyMotion

First Time Watch? Yes

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Alright.

Okay.

Enough, already.

I am so, so relieved that this is the last of the Ernst Lubitsch/Maurice Chevalier musicals that I’ll have to watch for this project. The pair would go on to make one more of these fuckin’ things, The Merry Widow in 1934, but mercifully it was not nominated for Best Picture, so I can simply move on with my life and pretend it doesn’t exist, at least for now.

Don’t get me wrong, these movies are pleasant enough. They aren’t outright awful. But considering I’ve now watched three of them within a short span of one another,¹ I'm ready to be done with them. They have all started to sort of bleed together in my memory, all French smiles and rhythmic talk-singing and misunderstandings of society’s upper crust, Frankensteining into some kind of one-note musical comedy called One Hour with The Love Lieutenant.² Oddly enough, the films got arguably better in quality each time, but I still grew more and more bored with the whole routine.

This is yet another one of the perils of watching all Best Picture nominees in rough chronological order—a lot of these movies feel painfully similar at times, already treading familiar territory. And the medium isn’t even that old at this point! Keep this in mind the next time you’re about to complain about the current slate of films, or gripe that “they just don’t make ‘em like they used to!” Hollywood has, unfortunately, always had a bit of an originality problem. 

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When we like someone, we smile. But when we want to do something about it, we wink.

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Claudette Colbert & Maurice Chevalier in a scene from The Smiling Lieutenant

Niki (Maurice Chevalier) is a lieutenant in Vienna. Franzi (Claudette Colbert) is a violin player and leader of an all-female orchestra at a local beer garden. The two meet and fall in love³ and spend the night together and sing about how great breakfast is.

The king of nearby kingdom Flausenthurm⁴ (​​George Barbier) and his daughter, Princess Anna (Miriam Hopkins) are visiting Vienna, and a parade is thrown in their honor. Franzi is in the crowd watching the parade, and Niki is across the way from her. He winks to Franzi, but his wink is intercepted by Anna, who believes it to be directed toward her. Anna is offended at first, so to save face Niki insists he was winking at her because he found her to be beautiful. This is supposed to be hilarious, I guess, because the film wants us to believe that Princess Anna is ugly or something? But she’s not! She’s quite pretty!! Certainly pretty enough for a wink!

With all forgiven, Niki returns to Franzi in the evening. Franzi is jealous of the princess, but Niki assures her there is nothing to worry about. Since there’s at least an hour left of the movie at this point, we know he simply couldn’t be more wrong about that.

The king essentially forces Niki to marry Anna, and they move to Flausenthurm together. Niki is too depressed to fuck, so he wanders the streets of Flausenthurm, homesick. He bumps into Franzi, who is performing with her orchestra in town. They begin an affair, which Anna soon finds out about. Anna summons Franzi to her palace, where the two women bond over how much they love Niki, and what they love about him. Franzi quickly realizes that Anna’s love for Niki is genuine, and she doesn’t have the heart to break up their marriage. Instead, she helps Anna by giving her a makeover, and introducing her to sexy lingerie and jazz music.

And that… works? Franzi departs, leaving Anna to play jazz on the piano in the palace. Niki rushes in to find the source of the music, and is immediately captivated by Princess Anna’s transformation. He follows Anna into the bedroom, where they finally consummate their marriage.

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I don't know very much about life. I got all my knowledge out of the Royal Encyclopedia. A special edition arranged for Flausenthurm, with all the interesting things left out.

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Claudette Colbert, the most beautiful angel to ever hold a violin, in a scene from The Smiling Lieutenant

After finishing this movie, I was left wondering why all of these Ernst Lubitsch musicals aren’t simply called The Smiling ______. It’s pretty much all Maurice Chevalier does in these movies and it’s what he does best—be a smiling guy.

As much as I loved Jeanette MacDonald in the previous two Lubitsch outings, The Smiling Lieutenant benefits greatly by having the effervescent cutie patootie Claudette Colbert as its leading lady. Truly, I could feel myself melting into the couch, leaving behind just a pair of pulsing heart-eyes every time Colbert appeared on screen. I’m just smitten with this dame!! 

Miriam Hopkins is delightful in this, too. While it’s extremely unfair and inaccurate that her character is considered ugly, she does a great job of selling Princess Anna as petulant and annoying, and therefore someone that Niki isn’t exactly stoked to marry. The scene at the end where Franzi and Anna bond over their mutual love for Niki was a highlight—it was a treat getting to see these actresses together, and it even got a little… gay? The scene turned unexpectedly intimate, and the ladies even shared a smooch. It’s not too far of a leap for me to have wanted (expected, even) the two women to ditch Niki and ride off into the Flausenthurmian sunset together. What a dream!

No such luck. The guy gets the girl, and arguably the wrong one. It’s another smiley, pleasant, but ultimately boring and predictable ending for our happy-go-lucky Viennese man who sounds suspiciously French. There are definitely worse ways I could have spent this hour and a half, but I’m ready to leave these movies behind for now. I’m ready for something new.

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P.S. Quite by accident I saw your wife. It may interest you to know that she is a blonde - and very charming.

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Miriam Hopkins and Claudette Colbert getting ever so slightly sapphic in a scene from The Smiling Lieutenant

Quick Facts:

• Nominated for 1 Oscar, won none

  • Best Picture

• Paramount’s highest grossing film of 1931

• Was considered a lost film up until fairly recently—a print resurfaced in Denmark in the 1990s.

Stray Observations:

• Why do they insist on having Maurice Chevalier play any nationality other than French? Doesn’t anyone listen to him and go “Hey man… you sound French. What’s up with that?”

• Also, was Chevalier really the best singer France could provide? I’m sorry, but like… him?

• Imagine trying to respect a leader named “Niki”

• Chevalier’s facial expressions are, as always, incredible

• Claudette Colbert 😍

• “You put glamor in the grapefruit. You put passion in the prunes!” — this song about breakfast is basically the same as when Charles Grodin raves about how there’s “no deceit in the cauliflower” in The Heartbreak Kid. So that’s nice for me.

• Imagine being so horny you start an international conflict

• This is cute but not fully grabbing me—needs more Claudette Colbert!!

• Still, again, leagues better than The Love Parade.

• Fell asleep again… I just can’t stop falling asleep during these movies, like damn.

• I hope these women ditch Niki & get together & FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

  • Is… is this movie gay? Kinda!!

• Most sluggishly paced of the 3 Lubitsch musicals so far, but has maybe the best/horniest ending?

My Rating: ⭐️⭐⭐

Next Up: Grand Hotel (1932)

1. Yes I am aware that this is my own doing and I could have simply watched these movies in a different order. But I’m kind of an idiot!

2. Okay honestly I would watch this.

3. As with all of these movies… they were probably just horny.

4. Does not exist, in case that wasn’t abundantly clear.